just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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