I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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