The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
