she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
