But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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