I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
