apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
either way he was missing a nipple.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
