we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize