i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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