you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
