I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When are your genitals available?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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