I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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