I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
