dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
