sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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