Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
