Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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