Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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