i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
