I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
