can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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