Church boner. Awkwardddd
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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