did you get engaged???
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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