dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
