I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
