is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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