The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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