why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
