Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
