You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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