With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
