im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can't turn off my feet"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
