Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
