ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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