You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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