he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
