My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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