Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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