I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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