she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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