similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
