I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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