The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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