you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
