Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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