yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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