i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
