We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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