people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
