You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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