something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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