How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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