Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
