I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
