Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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