Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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