I'm really into asian looking animals
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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