I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
