That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
