just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I need help removing her.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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