No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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