This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
