Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
