It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
