I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
