My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
