Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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