You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
