It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
