so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
